August 1st, 2002

Hello everyone. Over the last few years, I have done many voices for the WWF AFM figures over the last few years. Out of all of them though, I am best known for good 'ol JR, and the grandaddy of them all, the one man that personifies toughness and greenbacks, the man that will give anyone a job in his federation, yes, Mr. Super Big Gulp himself, Vince McMahon. I bet you are all wondering, where in the hell do we come up with these things? What big corporate building that we break into and steal copies of WWF shows months in advance? I'll tell you, it comes straight out of our heads. See, a downstairs bar and a bong can do wonders! Neal writes a match card, but do you think Vince McMahon is actually going to do what Neal says. No chance in hell! Vince McMahon makes the matches he wants, and does what he wants, and it usually turns out well. That is because it is in the interest of fairness.. or looking up Rock's skirt one too many times.

Right now, Vince and JR are on a long hiatus. The reason.. JR is in the hospital, and Vince has been abducted. Yet I know that all the internet sites are dying to find out the REAL reason these two are not around. So, to put your inquiring minds to rest about getting the big scoop (Vince says you guys really deserve a big scoop of Rock poop), Drew is living in Canada right now, 1500 miles away from the action. So, it is pretty difficult to run the show when Drew is so far away.

The question is, are we watching the news constantly for any little hints in the show so that we can seem original, or, is the WWF stealing the shit from us. I have always been credited for being the first one to mention JR having barbeque sauce, and that the WWF stole that off of us. Well, no, I stole it off of them, I do read JR's column from time to time. For your information JR, the Sooners suck. The incest innuendo with Vince and Stephanie (Daddy's little girl outfit from Wrestlemania), that was my idea to begin with dammit! There have been other things that have made me jump from my seat watching Raw or Smackdown, and say, "Have you been watching our tapes Vince, because that's my line, and why don't I have a job yet?"

The question I pose to the WWF, or now called WWE (get the F out? put the F'n F back in!) is, when the hell are you going to hire our crew. I thought that when you bought out WCW, you would fire all those lasy idiots, and add some real entertainment in the form of our show. Instead, your ratings are dropping. Fine, when I come back to doing the show, I will do the show for the small few who can really appreciate our vulgarity, violence, & sexual innuendo (to hell with that, it is sex sometimes), that only our crew can provide. Just wait, I will be back soon with Vince, JR, and Rock trying to hit on Vince (VINCE! VINCE! Do these leather panties make me look a little chubby? wooo! my god!).

What's that all a boot, eh?

From the home of Jericho Christ,

Drew